I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
