I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
