1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
