she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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