i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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