i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
