you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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