im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have aggressive nipples.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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