he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
