i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
