Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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