don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
