you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
