no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
