just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
