found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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