Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
