He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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