my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
