You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
