Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
