Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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