He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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