Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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