I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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