I am spending my child support on dildos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
