Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
