I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
