did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
