I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
