So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
