Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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