I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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