I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
