There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
