It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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