Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
