I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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