I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
