Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
