Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
