I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
