you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
