my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
