R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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