why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
