What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
