its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
