i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
