You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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