I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
